It has taken over a year for me to get back to really painting since Steven’s death. As I look back, it strikes me as so profound that I was painting a picture the night he died, without any awareness of how tragically my life was about to change. That painting sits unfinished, the empty portions of the canvas speaking volumes in it’s sad beauty.
Stopping my art and creative expression when I lost my beloved son, seemed appropriate at the time, but it was not long before I felt my own life dwindling and becoming dark. For an artist, the act of creating is as necessary as breathing, and it was only when I forced myself to paint again that I feel I have been brought back to life. Art saved me.
Steven loved everything I ever created; from the books I wrote to my paintings, and crafts, to scrapbooking - he was my biggest fan. I knew for my own mental health I NEEDED to paint and create again, and I have discovered that I have an unseen connection with Steven as I paint; it can’t be described, but I cherish these moments with him when his spirit keeps me company in my studio as I lose all track of time.
This painting series is titled, Steven’s Peace. Steven, at the end of his days in my care, we loved to go to Lake and feed the chickadees that would eat right out of his hand. He experienced such joy from receiving the trust of a wild creature, and in the times were we would sit on the deck at my acreage, we would watch as numerous chickadees fed from my feeders. He always thought I was the crazy bird lady, but I remember one time when he said, “Mom, I have never felt so much at peace, this is just like meditating. My brain doesn’t hurt sitting here.”
So now I paint often, and I feed the chickadees to feel peace and connection to my beloved son, Steven.
Watch for upcoming paintings !